Category Archives: Mindfucking

I don’t know what normal is.

I wrote a post yesterday about getting back on the dating horse. But I’m not so sure I want to. Life is peaceful now. There is no daily drama. I’m not constantly irritated and frustrated. I’m content. In contrast, a … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Better-than-nothing, Commitment, Drama, Liar, Love, Marriage, Mindfucking, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , | 23 Comments

What’s Eating Me

I have been incommunicado this week. With myself, and with you. I watched teevee three nights out of five. Damn it! And I went out with my friends and drank wine the other two. Then again, I drank a couple … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Blogging, Depression, Domestic Violence, Love, Marriage, Mindfucking, Relationships, Sexual Abuse | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Eventually, I’ll leave you.

Here’s a little snippet Mack wrote to me once about an old boyfriend with whom he imagined I might get back together. Never mind the old boyfriend is married now and I hadn’t seen him in six years. You could wind … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Breakup, Domestic Violence, Jealousy, Love, Manipulation, Mindfucking, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Things That Made Mack Angry

I spent some time this morning browsing old Mack emails. I really need to delete them, but I’m not ready, just yet. I still want the reminder of what an abusive asshole he is. Here’s a list of a few … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Affair, Domestic Violence, Drama, Gaslighting, Liar, Manipulation, Mindfucking, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Oh what a difference a year makes.

One year ago today. Mack and I were making up after a breakup. On my office floor. He allowed himself to reunite with me, but only after I apologized and groveled after breaking up with him. Because he was wearing … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Affair, Better-than-nothing, Breakup, Commitment, Drama, Forgiveness, Gaslighting, Liar, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, Mid-Life, Mindfucking, Relationships, Sex Voodoo, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Forgiveness is Dangerous

I have trouble with the concept of forgiveness. Maybe I don’t understand what it means to forgive. Having been raised Catholic, to me it means to be absolved of sins. Or as the forgiver, to absolve someone else of their … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Breakup, Domestic Violence, Forgiveness, Healing, Letting Go, Love, Manipulation, Mindfucking, Moving On, Relationships, Starting Over | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Relapse & Recovery

Last night I got a little melancholy. I think it’s still too soon to listen to Adele while cooking myself dinner on a Friday night. For a moment, I felt a twinge for Mack. I forgot the abuse, and remembered the … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Better-than-nothing, Breakup, Depression, Domestic Violence, Gaslighting, Getting Unstuck, Manipulation, Mindfucking, Moving On, Relationships, Settling, Starting Over, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 21 Comments

No More Drama! (And This Time, I Mean It.)

William Wordsworth wrote: Strange fits of passion have I known. Wordsworth wrote of imagining the death of his lover. Rather than a fit of passion, to my thinking, it sounds as if he was suffering from drama he created with his thoughts. I wrote … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Better-than-nothing, Breakup, Chemistry, Domestic Violence, Drama, Liar, Love, Manipulation, Mindfucking, Moving On, Relationships, Settling, Sex Voodoo, Starting Over, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Embrace Life

While I haven’t quite achieved the nirvana depicted in this photo, I’m getting there. The antidepressants no doubt are doing their job. I wouldn’t say I’ve been transformed, but certainly there’s some reconstruction going on. On the antidepressant front, I’m now on 300 mg Wellbutrin, … Continue reading

Posted in Abilify, Abusive Relationships, Breakup, Deplin, Depression, Healing, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, Mid-Life, Mindfucking, Motivation, Moving On, Relationships, Settling, Starting Over, Wellbutrin | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sometimes, darkness is easier than light.

Some time back I posited: Do men cause clinical depression?  http://wp.me/p1jL9y-4q After giving it a lot of thought, I’ve come to believe the answer is, yes. When I say I believe my relationship with Mack caused my depression, I don’t mean I was sad about the … Continue reading

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Depression, Domestic Violence, Drama, Gaslighting, Liar, Love, Manipulation, Mindfucking, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment