While I haven’t quite achieved the nirvana depicted in this photo, I’m getting there. The antidepressants no doubt are doing their job. I wouldn’t say I’ve been transformed, but certainly there’s some reconstruction going on. On the antidepressant front, I’m now on 300 mg Wellbutrin, 15 mg Deplin, and recently Dr. McEnroe added 1 mg Abilify. After the breaking-in period, the side effects have been minimal. Although the Abilify does make me extremely nauseated from time to time, particularly when I do yoga. But when I’m nauseated, I don’t want to eat, so I’ll deal with it.

Since beginning the antidepressants, I’ve noticed a significant difference in my self-confidence. Yesterday I had a 4.5 hour meeting with 15  or 20 of my colleagues consisting of heavy-hitting lawyers and members of the judiciary from across the state. I’ve been on this particular committee for a little over a year, and have felt rather intimidated most of the time. But during the past two meetings that has changed. Yesterday I suggested a somewhat controversial addition to the publication the committee is updating, and I (with some help from my subcommittee) held the naysayers at bay, and gained a majority, pushing the change through. Yeah, I’ve come out of my fog. It’s simply amazing how much more confident I feel now that my brain is working well.

Here’s another difference: I’ve booked a solo trip to Tuscany in May. Okay, not entirely solo; I’m joining up with a group. It’s a gourmet cooking trip, and I’ll be staying at a villa somewhere in the Italian countryside between Pisa and Florence. In addition to the cooking classes, there will be trips to Tuscan vineyards, the coast, local villages, and markets. After my 6-night stay at the villa, I’ve planned three additional nights on my own in Florence. I sure hope I have internet access so I can blog my newly-bursting heart out.

I would say I’m back to my old self. But I’m not. I’m feeling entirely new.