Tag Archives: Stages of Grief

Please Send Cupcakes

Here’s the thing about grief: one minute you’re drowning in it, thinking you’ll never resurface. And the next, up you’ve popped and you’re feeing the sun on your face. My moods seem to change on a dime. Right now, the … Continue reading

Posted in Mid-Life, Stages of Grief | Tagged , , , | 33 Comments

Bilberry Jam

When my oldest brother died, I handled it. I emailed my boss: “My brother died. I knew it was inevitable. I’m fine. I’ll be in tomorrow.” When the shock wore off, I wasn’t exactly fine. I took a few days … Continue reading

Posted in Alcoholism, Death and Grief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Tug of War

I’ve been thinking a lot about “letting go” in the context of loss. Specifically, the loss of my father and both brothers; all the male members of my family, within eleven months. The deaths happened in such quick succession. My … Continue reading

Posted in Antidepressants, Death and Grief, Depression | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

On Coping. Or Not.

I’m on a flight to Chicago. It’s an all weekend work rah-rah session. That means 48 hours with hundreds of lawyers. Lawyers drinking, bullshitting, and pontificating. Each one playing the power role, trying to impress. Needless to say, I’m not … Continue reading

Posted in Addiction, Alcoholism, Death and Grief, Intervention, Leukemia, Running, Sobriety, walking | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Running Through Concrete

I forced myself into my running shoes yesterday for the first time since the day before my brother died. It was a beautiful spring day in Austin. I knew I should get outside. What I really wanted to do was … Continue reading

Posted in Death and Grief, Death of a sibling, Grief, Healing, Health, Nature | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

My gift to my brother

Today was my brother’s memorial service. He died 11 days ago on March 25 of acute myelogenous leukemia (AML). He was 52. My brother had struggled with alcoholism for many years. He tried going sober once and it lasted a … Continue reading

Posted in Alcoholism, Alzheimer's, Cancer, Death of a sibling, Eulogy, Leukemia | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Seven Days

I’ve spent my nights since I returned from Houston drinking wine, eating, and watching Downton Abbey with my neighbor. I keep referring to it as Downtown Abbey. My English neighbor corrects me but I’m too tired to remember my error. … Continue reading

Posted in Alcoholism, Cats, Death and Grief, Death of a sibling, Grieving, Health, Leukemia, Mid-Life, Sobriety | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Ramble On

All of my male family members are gone. In the space of 11 months. How do I make sense of this? I don’t. There is no meaning or explanation. Everything does not happen for a reason. It just happens. This … Continue reading

Posted in Alcoholism, Cancer, Cats, Death of a sibling, Grief, Health, Intervention, Mid-Life, Sobriety, Stages of Grief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

Might I be human, after all?

I was thinking about grief the other day. Thinking my grief over my brother’s and father’s deaths last year didn’t last long. The crying wasn’t overwhelmingly intense. Or at least it wasn’t more than a handful of times. I wondered … Continue reading

Posted in Alzheimer's, Antidepressants, Cats, Death of a sibling, Elderly Parents, Forgiveness, Love, Stages of Grief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Burial At Sea

My sister was in a rush. Everything needed to be done right away. She said my mother needed closure. You can rush through the usual rituals following death. But you cannot rush grief. Still she was determined. My father was … Continue reading

Posted in Death of a sibling, Dying, Grieving, Love | Tagged , , , , , , , | 12 Comments