Finally. 2011 is in the rearview mirror. I think I’ll be a bad driver for a while, and focus only on the road ahead. Not even a furtive glance back.
The road ahead is looking better and better with each passing day. This Wellbutrin/Deplin combination is pretty amazing. Today is Day Eleven. Eleven. After last year, I’m not liking that number much. Oops, that was a look back. Damn, broke the resolution already, and it’s not even noon. Back to the antidepressant cocktail. The side effects mostly have worn off. Although, last night I had a hot flash whilst cooking dinner. It was 68 degrees in my home and I was overheated. Maybe it’s not the cooking. Maybe it’s the wine-drinking that goes with the cooking. That would make more sense.
Here’s what I’m noticing in the way of positive effects:
- I’m sleeping more soundly through the night. (I’ve had a couple of “sex dreams.” Is my libido returning?)
- I’m waking up earlier, feeling rested.
- I’m able to get out of bed before noon without heroic efforts.
- I’ve been motivated to get outside and get some exercise. On Friday, I went for a six-mile hike. On Saturday, a four-mile hike. I didn’t argue with myself. I just went. Willingly. Happily.
- I’m finally feeling more social. I went to happy hour with the girls on Friday. I didn’t feel those tentacles around me, pulling me into my home; my bed. In fact, I ate tentacles that night. (Calamari.)
- I cleared out the stacks of shipping boxes piling up in my garage and took them to recycling. (Maybe hoarders simply are depressed and can’t be bothered to throw stuff away.)
- I cleaned the kitchen last night after I cooked, rather than leaving the dishes in the sink to deal with in the morning. Yeah, pre-depression, no way I would have gone to bed with dirty dishes in my sink.
- I cooked dinner last night. I love to cook. But for the past few months, I haven’t done much cooking. I didn’t have the energy and had been eating take-out or prepared food from Whole Foods. Anything requiring no effort. (But no fast food. I had not been sucked that deeply into the quicksand.)
- I’ve been able to prise myself off the sofa in the evenings (hell, in the mornings and afternoons, too) without a forklift. I don’t feel so weighted down.
- My appetite has returned some, but still I don’t feel the need to devour every morsel like a savage beast. Sugar has lost its allure. (Okay, not entirely.)
- I almost (almost) did a stop and chat with my neighbor yesterday afternoon. (The one who told me I’d find a man when I wasn’t looking.) Not quite, but I did feel the desire. Progress.
- I wore jeans to work two days last week. An improvement over the workout clothes I’d been wearing daily. I did wear workout clothes on Tuesday, but I had a personal training session that day at noon, so it made sense.
Okay, that’s twelve positive effects for 2012. Who knew all I needed was a good hit of dopamine every day? And it’s not even an illegal drug. I’m curious to see if things will continue to improve. I’m guessing they will, since it’s only Day Eleven. Who knows, maybe I’ll even see my hip bones again this year.
Anything feels possible. The world is mine oyster.
Happy 2012! The Year of the Hip Bones!