Bypass My Heart

I received a Facebook message from a friend of Mack’s today. Well, she sent it Wednesday, but I don’t get on Facebook much these days. It’s too much of a time suck. I’d rather be reading your blogs. But today the Facebook notifications popped up on my iPad, so I figured I’d see what I’d missed. If anything. Here’s what she wrote:

Hey [Unconfirmed Bachelorette] – [Mack] wanted me to let you know he just got out of the hospital after having a triple bypass this weekend. Hope all is well with you!

I was on my way out the door for a walk when I read it. It seemed like pretty good timing: I could get outside, get some fresh air, and consider how I felt about the news. But after an hour of pounding the pavement in the heat, I still wasn’t sure.

Thoughts I had:

  • Why did he think I needed to know this?
  • Do I need to know this?
  • Thank god I broke up with  him.
  • Would I have stayed out of guilt? Out of obligation?
  • Thank god I broke up with him.
  • I’m glad he’s OK.
  • Huh. What do you know. I’m glad he’s OK.
  • What if he had died?
  • I think I’d be glad the pedophile died.
  • I’m glad he’s OK.
  • Thank god he didn’t have a heart attack when I took him hiking in Canada.
  • Maybe he’ll get more blood flow to his cock, now.
  • Maybe he’ll quit being such an asshole.
  • Nah. He’ll keep being an asshole. He didn’t stop when he had a heart attack a few years back.
  • Lucky for him we broke up. Otherwise Corinne and I would have been at the hospital together. Asshole.
  • Why did he think I needed this information? What am I supposed to do with it? What does he want from me?
  • A triple bypass. I wonder if he had another heart attack.
  • What if I had married him? What if he turned into an invalid and I was married to an asshole invalid?
  • Maybe he’ll stop drinking so much.
  • I guess I’m not completely awful since I’m glad he’s OK.
  • If he wasn’t such an angry asshole, he’d be healthier.
  • My blood pressure was 109/73 when I went to the doctor this week. He asked me if I’d had any more bladder infections. “Not since I got rid of the asshole,” I said. Doctor writing notes in my chart: “I’ll clean it up a bit: No more bladder infections since partner out of the picture.”
  • He must have been cheating on me. I’m an idiot to think otherwise.
  • I wonder how he’ll pay for the medical care.
  • Poor bastard.
  • You know, there were some good times. It’s a shame he’s such an asshole.
  • Don’t go getting all weak.
  • Keep walking. Away.

At bottom, when I peek beneath my initial reaction, I feel sad. Sad he wasn’t who I thought he was. Sad he’s not the kind of man I want to be there for when he’s sick. Sad second chances are generally illusory. If I look beneath the hardness, I can find that place in my heart that still holds a piece of him. And I’m glad he’s OK.

About Unconfirmed Bachelorette

Unconfirmed Bachelorette, a/k/a Ella, is a 50-something-year-old lawyer who wishes fervently she could retire from the practice of law and write full time. Never-married-childfree Ella resides in Austin, Texas with her three fluffy black rescue cats and two interlopers.
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8 Responses to Bypass My Heart

  1. free penny press says:

    Of course you want him to be ok.. like with my Ex..I would not send flowers or rush to his side but harm, I wish none.
    I love how you wrote this this and the brutal honesty of it..made me think I need to do one for my Ex.. well for me I mean..I sort of walled all of that up and never looked back.. On second thought I better not, the damn paper may catch fire and I’m no good with fire extinguishers..
    You keep on moving forward and know it’s ok to care!


    • I do want him to be OK. And I do care. Just from a distance.

      Yes, I’m determined to be brutally honest here. I imagine there are those who would never acknowledge having such thoughts. Probably for good reason. Your idea of writing it down and burning it is a good one. A controlled blaze would be cathartic.


  2. Phoenix says:

    You didn’t need to know, it’s just another ‘hook’, Mack seeking the attention he feels he deserves. I commend you on wishing him no harm because I would be quite happy if I knew that Patrick was no more on this planet.

    Finally – did they do a heart bypass because they couldn’t find his heart? ;~)


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