How long until I’m over this breakup?

We’ve all heard the dumb rule of thumb that it takes half the time you were in the relationship to get over it. So if you were married six years, it will take three years to get past your split. If you were married twenty years, it will take ten. Really, ten years? That explains why things didn’t work out with the English guy; he had seven years to go.

Mack and I were together a year. Okay, I broke up with him a week before our year anniversary, but for the sake of the formula, I’m calling it a year. That means it should take no more than six months for me to feel groovy again. Because I’m an overachiever, I told myself I could do it in three.

It’s been seven weeks since I ended things with Mack and I’m realizing three months may have been a bit ambitious. I’ve got just six weeks left and unless they’re exponentially more fruitful than the first seven, I’m not going to make my deadline. Not to mention I haven’t been doing all the things one needs to do to heal. (See my last blog, How to Get Over Breaking Up With Someone You Love Instead, I’m irritable and surly, and I have plantar fasciitis, which is interfering with my healing runs. And that sleeping thing? Yeah, I’m sleeping too much. I’m doing this simply because I don’t much feel like doing anything else when I’m not working. I find this ironic, seeing it is one of the things about Mack that used to annoy me. But I have a reason to sleep a lot. I’m working ten to twelve hours a day, not including drive time. If I want to sleep the remaining ten, that’s my prerogative.

In keeping with my three-month healing schedule, I’ve been slowly getting the word out that I’m single again. One of my neighbors told me: “You will find him when you’re not looking.” I wanted to shove the box she was recycling down her throat. Another of my neighbors suggested we have recreational sex. I considered drowning him in the pool. No wonder I’m thinking I need to hunker down in bed when I’m home.  And that work thing. It’s a lovely excuse to avoid the world. In fact, I’ve got Thanksgiving set up, already: “Sorry, mom. We’ve got two cases set for trial I have to get ready for, one of which starts the day after the Thanksgiving break. I’ll be working all weekend.” I’m hoping the case does go to trial. If it doesn’t, I’m not sure I’ll mention it. I might just go to Lake Austin Spa for a few days, instead.

Which gets me back to my list of things for healing. I need to add a couple, one of which is: Avoid most people. Particularly those who say dumb things like: “You’ll find him when you’re not looking.” Seriously, is this helpful? Maybe she should tell this to those women who treat dating like a job. You remember the ones I mean: “It’s a numbers game. The more I date the more likely I am to find ‘him’; the man who will make all my dreams come true.” Also, I omitted pedicures from the list, which is where I’m headed now. And then I might take an hour nap. After all, I have an extra hour today from setting back the clock.

Okay, so maybe it will take me more than three months to recover from Mack. Worst case, according to the formula, I’ll be better than ever in just three and half more months. Just in time for Valentine’s Day.



  • I’m sorry that you are having to deal with a break up and experience pain and inconvenience. I’m sorry that Mack, or any man, has not been able to come through and be the man he/they were supposed to be. I’m sorry that you are having to work such long hours and have a long commute. I’m sorry that you only feel like sleeping and that plantar fasciitis is interfering with your method of healing. I am sorry that people of wisdom are not around to share comments with you but only have dumb things to say.

    I have never witnessed anyone healing on a time schedule, such as recovery = 1/2 T relationship. I have never experienced any healing on a time schedule. Due process takes time. I have witnessed, however, many folk who do not heal from previous failed and dysfunctional relationships and the current issue becomes the evidence for total conviction,condemnation and sentencing to be shifted to one where there is blame of many instead. I have also witnessed those who wish to be insulated from the symptoms and yet refuse to address the root cause. Life is so complicated and the human factor is very hard to compartmentalize into black and white, right and wrong.

    Life is a journey and it is always moving and changing and challenging. Life is full of choices that build and choices that tear down. I am sorry that you have had to make a choice to let go of yet another relationship and htat you are not free of pain. Perhaps it will be so within the proper time line.


  • Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Debbie. My post was a bit toungue-in-cheek. I do realize there is no set time for healing and that most everything is in shades of gray. When it comes to Mack, however, I ignored the black and white. Which is indeed a root cause that needs addressing.

    If only we could say, “In three months, I will be all better.” And have it be so.


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