Post breakup (back in late September) with an abusive assclown, I found myself deep in the pit a/k/a the abyss, the quicksand, the deep-dark-hole-of-nothingness. When Dr. McEnroe suggested antidepressants, I must admit I was quite skeptical. I’ve read all the articles about them being no better than placebo and causing horrific side effects. And I’m generally against medication of any sort on principle.
But I knew I had to do something, so I relented. As the days passed, I began to feel better. I found it less difficult to get out of bed in the morning. I felt a little less hopeless. I stopped hunkering down at home, avoiding social interaction. I started sleeping better. I had more energy. My motivation improved. And most importantly to me, the brain fog began to clear.
Now that I can think clearly, I see just how off I’d been cognitively (in addition to emotionally). I’d been struggling with completing projects. I couldn’t stay focused. I had a hard time following substantive discussions and responding appropriately. I thought I was just distracted and needed to try harder to focus. But now that my mind is sharp once again, I can see it was the depression. These past few weeks, it feels as if I’ve gotten back the fire, completing work projects with gusto. Yes, this girl is back. And maybe even better than before.
Even better than before, you say? Yes. Better. Case in point: I cleaned out my closet. Yes, the dreaded master bedroom, walk-in closet. I filled two of those black trash bags with clothes, and a third with shoes and handbags. I didn’t struggle over what to keep and what to toss. I made the decision, bahm, and moved on to the next item. They’re now in my trunk, ready for drop-off at Good Will. And this weekend, I’m going to weed the garden. I love pulling weeds; the sound and feel of the roots releasing the earth. Good stuff.
This all feels a bit manic to me. For most, I’m guessing it’s normal. It’s nice to feel other people’s normal.
If you’re interested in what I began taking, when, read the paragraph below. If not, you might want to skip on down below to my nod to Davy Jones.
I started on 150 mg of Wellbutrin and 15 mg Deplin on December 22, 2011. Three weeks later, on January 12, 2012, Dr. McEnroe bumped me up to 300 mg Wellbutrin (continuing with the 15 mg of Deplin). Three weeks after that, on Feb. 2, he added 1 mg of Abilify to the mix. Abilify? An anti-psychotic? Am I psychotic? While I may have been temporarily insane for dating Mack for a year, no, I’m not psychotic. Apparently, for some, Abilify helps with depression and anxiety. For the first few days I was sleepy and nauseated. Eventually, both side effects disappeared, and I began feeling more energetic and motivated. (I’ve also been told I’ve been more pleasant to be around.) Four weeks after that, on March 1 (yesterday), I started on 2 mg Abilify. So the current breakfast cocktail is 300 mg Wellbutrin, 2 mg Abilify, 15 mg Deplin. That second milligram of Abilify seems to be the icing on the cake. I feel pretty darn good today.
I’m a believer.
Davy Jones of the Monkees, gone but not forgotten. Click here for the video of I’m a Believer. http://youtu.be/XfuBREMXxts)