Spoke Too Soon

It seems I got a little cocky and it bit me in the ass. I was thinking the antidepressants were doing their work and I was going to feel a steady improvement. I had a good four days over the holiday weekend, and even managed a total of twenty miles in hiking, walking, and jogging. But today, it’s back.

I had a hard time getting up this morning. I didn’t make it to the office until almost 10:00 a.m. I had difficulty focusing on my work. I felt overwhelmed all day. Over nothing. I had a workout with my personal trainer at noon. It didn’t seem to help. I cried driving home this evening. The whole way. Over nothing.

It’s back. The Big D. And I’m not talking about that shitty city north of me.

I hate this feeling. This feeling of not being in control of my emotions. This feeling of hopelessness. For no reason. Yes, I got involved in a relationship I shouldn’t have gotten involved in. But I got out. Three and a half months ago. I should feel better. Instead, I feel like a rat on a wheel. Only I don’t have the energy to run on the wheel. I’m just sitting on it. Sitting and staring out through the wire cage.

I wonder if this is how the medication works; in fits and starts. It’s only been thirteen days. It should get better, right? I see Dr. McEnroe again next week. I’m guessing he’ll increase the dose. In the meantime, I’ll just tough it out. And looking on the bright side, at least I saved the crying until I was on my way home from the office. All this crying over nothing is ridiculous. This feeling of an anvil on my chest is wearing on me. I’m doing what I can to make it stop. It’s just not happening fast enough.

It’s times like this, I think it might be better to be a bachelorette forever. With cats. I’m really not sure another relationship is worth the risk.

About Unconfirmed Bachelorette

Unconfirmed Bachelorette, a/k/a Ella, is a 50-something-year-old lawyer who wishes fervently she could retire from the practice of law and write full time. Never-married-childfree Ella resides in Austin, Texas with her three fluffy black rescue cats and two interlopers.
This entry was posted in Breakup, Deplin, Depression, Getting Unstuck, Moving On, Relationships, Starting Over, Wellbutrin and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Spoke Too Soon

  1. Make.Life.Orange says:

    You have to keep your chin up. Sometimes antidepressants take a long time to work and sometimes you’re on the wrong medication. I went through the works trying to find one that worked for me. Now I don’t need them anymore. You’ll be okay. You just have to keep plugging along.


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