Finding Faith

I’m a professed atheist. Mack hedges his bets and sticks with the agnostic label. Either way, we’re not much for taking things on faith. Me less than him, apparently. But what if I allowed myself to make a leap of faith? What if Mack agreed to make that leap with me?

Let’s say Mack makes a clean break from his “roommate” and fully commits to me. Again. (Yes, he did this once, moved in with me, and six weeks later, moved back in with her. Read the old posts for more details.) Let’s say he gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him. Again. And I say, “Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!” Again. Let’s say he moves back in. For real this time. All his stuff. Which means there’s no need for him to go back to his studio every day, which is in her house. His studio is in our house, now. (Yes, in this scenario, I’ve bought the long-yearned-for house and ditched the condo, at last.) Since the studio is in our house, he’s made a clean break from the roommate. Of course, they still keep in touch. He cares about her. They’re friends. Fine.

So, we’ve got the house, we’re living in it, he’s got the studio/man-cave, and we’re engaged. We love each other. Deeply. We want it to work. To show him how much I want it to work, I agree to marrying him without a prenup. Who needs it? I’m committed. Finally, at long last, I am letting go of my doubts and fear, and I’m agreeing to jump off the cliff with him. Whether we fly, or go splat on the concrete (or perhaps there’s clear blue ocean below), we do it together. A leap of faith. What if we held hands and jumped off a cliff at Bodega Bay? Right after we said our “I dos”? Redundant, perhaps. But I’m ready to show a little faith. I’m ready to take a risk, dammit. I love Mack. I don’t want to be without him. And no man has ever loved me like Mack does. Ever. (Yeah, I know my posts make it sound otherwise, but that’s partially for the sake of entertainment, partially just to piss him off.)

Wait. Somewhere in that paragraph above I went from hypothetical to actual. I actually want to jump off the cliff with Mack. I actually want to risk everything for love. The question is: What will Mack do for love? Ah, we’ve come full circle.

Ella a/k/a unConfirmed Bachelorette

Ella a/k/a Confirmed Bachelorette (f/k/a Unconfirmed Bachelorette) is a 50-something recovered lawyer who left the practice of law to embrace a full-time writing life. Never-married, child-free Ella resides in Austin, Texas and Ontario, Canada with her four bad cats.

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